I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
