i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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