True but thats because hes a fetus.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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