Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
