Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
