they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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