I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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