who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
jump out the window naked night went bad
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
