Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
