some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
