you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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