So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
