I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
