His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
