im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
her vagine was all disorganized.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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