I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
