Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
