whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just gift wrapped bread.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
