i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
