her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
