Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca

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(586): View more from Michigan

Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....

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(818): View more from California

I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.

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(207): View more from Maine

Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?

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(301): View more from Maryland

NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!

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