Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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