His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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