She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
