He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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