Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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