My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
