I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
