so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
