cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
