I just gift wrapped bread.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
