god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
