I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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