some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
