i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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