Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
