Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
