Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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