every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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