The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
