She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
