ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
