My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
