from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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