It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
