I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My penis needs a shock collar
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
