1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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