i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
