OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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