Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
